


Song out of tune

by orphan_account



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Arranged Relationship, Hangover, Other, agender!Ori, baby dwarves being little shits to each other, fem!Kili, someday I will write a fic where soulmates don't suck but today isn't that day, soulmates suck, unwanted relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-14
Updated: 2014-03-15
Packaged: 2018-01-15 18:21:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1314634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All dwarves do not have a One. But those who do soon know it: after their coming of age, they exchange body with that soulmate for an entire day.<br/>Kili is less than pleased when this is what happens to her, especially since she cannot see herself ever loving her One.<br/>Of course, the feeling is more than mutual.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Kili opened her eyes, and something was wrong. Something that wasn't just the raging hungover she'd expected, but that was mysteriously absent. It took her a moment to understand what the problem was. The problem was that this wasn't her room.

It also wasn't her body.

It was coming as a bit of a surprise, to be honest. She knew that some dwarves had a One, and she knew that on the day after their coming of age, they swapped body for an entire day with that One... but she'd never thought it would happen to her. Her mother didn't have a one, and neither did her uncle Thorin, nor her grand-parents. There had been some speculation about her uncle Frerin, and she still wasn't sure about Fili who just refused to talk about that particular topic...

Still, there was a precedent for her family not having Ones, and so waking up in the wrong body was something she'd never thought she would have to deal with.

Sitting up was more difficult than expected. Her balance was off, and that body wasn't moving the way hers did. She still managed it, and looked around. Her soulmate's room wasn't a very big one, and it was made even smaller because it was such a mess, with clothes scattered around and a variety of exotic trinkets on the floor. The only tidy place was a small desk that was strangely neat and organized compared to the rest. Her One clearly had priorities in life. Probably a scribe of some sort. She'd been to Balin's place once or twice, and this room reminded her of it.

This wasn't really good news, she decided. She had nothing against scribes, who were an essential part of the world, but she certainly didn't want to fall in love with one. They were all boring and had no sense of fun and most of them didn't even know how to fight. Kili had never thought too much about falling in love before, but when she had, she hadn't imagined that. She'd thought maybe she'd find a great warrior, tall and _strong_ with muscle _everywhere_ and who'd make her laugh...

Instead, she was going to be stuck with a scribe, one who was, by the feel of it, much smaller than her, who had a soft belly and a soft _everything_.

Two things were certain about the Maker. First, he had a strange sense of humour.

And second, he wasn't very good at match-making.

Just as Kili was struggling to stand up, a knock on the door surprised her and she fell back on the bed. Before she could decide what to do, an elegant, silver haired dwarf barged in, and tutted as he looked around at the mess. Then he turned to her, and frowned.

“Ori, you're going to be late,” he said. In spite of her reservations, Kili had to bit down a smile. Now she knew her One's name. “Look at you, you're not even close to being ready!”

With his arm crossed on his chest, the silver haired dwarf stared at Kili, as if he expected a reaction, but the princess didn't dare say anything and just sat there. She had no idea how this Ori scribe talked or moved or did anything, and she wasn't sure she wanted anyone to know about this situation. She might have a One, but she wasn't sure yet she wanted one.

“Well? What's your excuse then?”

“Sick,” Kili whined, trying to look as miserable as she could. “Headache?”

Instantly, the silver haired dwarf went from exasperation to sympathy, as if that was common occurrence. That wasn't a point in Ori's favour. Kili didn't want someone with headaches every other day.

“I'll tell mother and she'll warn your master,” the other dwarf said, his voice suddenly gentler. “Go back under the cover, I'll make put some honey in warm milk for you, hm? Until I bring it, try to rest. And that means no reading. You know it always makes it worse.”

He smiled then, and waited a little, as if he expected a reaction. When none came, he frowned in worry.

“Oh dear, it really seems like a bad one...” he stepped toward Kili, and put a hand on her forehead to check her temperature. “No fever at least, that's something. Come on, try to rest,” he ordered, pushing her down and pulling a cover on her. “I'll bring the milk in a moment, but don't you worry, if you fell asleep, I'll just warm it up again later, hm? I'll be home all day today. I've got to finish lady Krein's dress before the week's end... but if you need anything just call me, I'll come.”

Kili nodded, and dutifully closed her eyes. The second she was alone, she opened them again, sat up, and tried to think about the situation.

Her One was called Ori. Ori was still in training, very likely to be a scribe. Ori was small, and soft all over. Ori suffered from headaches, and they were bad and frequent enough that no one questioned their existence. Ori seemed to have a brother (or a very, very young father, but a brother was more likely) and that brother sewed dresses for a living. Ori lived in a tiny, tiny room and had a hard, hard bed. Ori's family was probably poor.

Kili was attached to a commoner, a poor dwarf, one who wasn't a warrior, a weakling.

She wished she didn't have a One.

 

The rest of the day passed rather uneventfully. Ori's brother came to check on Kili a few time. It was reassuring that he seemed rather worried by how bad her supposed headache seemed to be. It meant that while Ori was a sickly little sick, ze normally knew how to deal with it and still get things done.

But Kili still wasn't impressed, and she was bored out of her wits. The only thing to do would have been to read the bits of papers scattered around Ori's room, but somehow, that would have felt like an invasion of privacy. Somewhere around the middle of afternoon, Kili did it anyway because she was just too bored. It was that or drinking warm milk again, and she hated milk.

Most of what she found was rather boring, writing exercises, letters copied several times (to get everything looking right, she supposed), notes about politics, economy and economics. It all went well with her idea of Ori as someone obsessed with work, and with little interest in anything else. Still, she was rather pleasantly surprised when she found a couple drawings. They were a little clumsy certainly, the work of someone with more enthusiasm and imagination than skill, but they might have painted a different portrait of Ori... if they had not all been surrounded by yet more notes on subjects ranging from the genealogy of local nobles to the current prices of silver and copper. Even when ze did something less boring, Ori managed to make it be about work anyway.

Kili almost wanted to cry. She didn't want that small, sickly, boring scribe to be the love of her life. She didn't want someone weak. She didn't want someone she'd have to protect and support, a burden to carry, not when she knew she'd have enough burdens already, just being a princess. She didn't want Ori, didn't want to want hir ever, and the mere idea of ever being near hir made her sick.

That was why she wrote hir a letter.

It was not a nice letter. It was short, but straight to the point:

 

 

> “Ori,
> 
> let's wait until your coming of age, bear with another day in each other's life, and then pretend that this never happened. I don't know why the Maker picked you for me, but clearly there's been a mistake. I don't think I could like you even if you were the last dwarf left on earth, let alone love you. Don't worry if you said anything to my family, I'll manage it and tell them it was just the hangover. I did not say anything to your family, they think you had a headache today.
> 
> I'm very sorry that we had to suffer through this.
> 
> Farewell.”

 

One thing Kili had to admit, writing had never felt so easy. She'd always struggled with it, each letter usually a slow and painful process for her. But it seemed Ori's hand, even without hir mind, still knew how to write beautifully. For the first time in her life, Kili discovered what it was like to have a hand that went almost as fast as her thoughts, and it was a rather pleasant surprise. Then she remembered that the reason Ori's body could write with such ease was that ze clearly did nothing else with hir life, and Kili felt angry again. She did not want to be forced to love someone like Ori.

Soon after writing that letter, the princess went to bed. She knew that if she felt asleep, she'd wake up in her own body again, and she just couldn't wait. She wanted to be herself again. She wanted to tell Fili everything, and laugh with him, maybe come up with a plan to avoid that awful fate that the Maker had forged for her. She only hoped that Ori hadn't done anything too stupid while ze was in her body.

 

* * *

 

Several things were wrong when Kili came to her senses. She could feel that she was still dressed. There was a dull ache in her right wrist, which became actual pain when she properly woke up. She was starving.

But all of that mattered little: Kili was in her own room, and in her own body again.

She leaped out of her bed, and hurriedly undressed to make sure that she really was here and the way it was supposed to be. She'd never loved her body more than she did in that moment, all tall and lean and gangly that it was.

It was too cold to stay naked for long, though, and since she'd woken up with the same clothes that she'd worn at the party, she decided it was time to wear something clean. Ori must have expected her to do that, because ze'd left a letter in her closet.

 

 

> To her royal highness Kili, princess of Erebor
> 
> My name is Ori, son of Ari, daughter of Kori, son of Sori. I live in Ered Luin, in the aboveground colony at the Northern gate of Nogrod. I live in Quartz street, which is not very far from the lower market. My mother Ari and my brother Dori are seamstresses, and my other brother Nori specializes in the commerce of exotic and rare goods.
> 
> I realize that my family's settings are nothing to be compared to yours. I have to admit, I never expected to have a One, least of all someone like you. From what I could see of your life, I cannot say I understand how any attachment could grow between us. But of course, I was not quite in a state for really thinking, since I had to deal with what I assume where the side effects of the celebration of your coming of age. Beside, there are things that cannot be known about a person until you have them before you. Which is why I gave information to find me, should you wish too.
> 
> I hope you do not mind, but I did not tell anything to your family. Considering my social status, I was afraid they might be angry or at least upset, and I did not feel like I was in a state to deal with it. Beside, I thought you might prefer to be left in control of this.
> 
> I hope to hear from you,
> 
> Ori

 

All of Kili's good mood melted away as she read. Somehow, that quiet and distant politeness, put on paper in a handwriting that was barely less clumsy than her own and probably explained the pain in her wrist, reawakened her anger. She did not want that scribe who was trying to sell hirself, that mother's child who dared to suppose Kili could ever want to see hir. As if she didn't know already all that she had to know... as if Ori didn't know it too. Didn't ze say that they appeared to have nothing in common?

And that stung, of course. It was one thing that she didn't want hir, but for the opposite to be true... she was no great beauty, but she was a very decent fighter, she was fun to be around, she was well taught and a princess, what more could anyone want, and how dared that little of a scribe say he couldn't imagine hirself ever loving someone like her?

The thought hurt so much, Kili started unconsciously crumpling the letter. She didn't stop when she realized what she was doing, though. Instead, she put more strength into it, until there were a little ball of paper in her hand. It was still not enough to calm her anger, and, noticing there were still some embers in her room's fireplace, she threw the letter among them, covering it with the burning pieces of wood. There was something twistedly satisfying in watching it burn slowly, not quite managing to catch fire because the ball of paper was too compact.

She didn't need the name of Ori's mother and ancestors. She didn't want to ever meet that damn scribe.

She didn't need to.

She already knew that no love could ever exist between them.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Ori's turn to come of age, and ze has a plan.

Ori woke up, and saw a room ze both did and didn't know. Ze'd seen it only once, more than ten years before, but it had left quite the impression. Beside, one of the first things ze'd done when ze'd returned to hir own body had been to draw it, to be sure not to forget. Ze'd also drawn Kili's face, which ze knew because she'd had a _mirror_ in her room.

She still had it, and so Ori was free to admire how hir One had changed in a decade. Not much, in the end. She was a little taller maybe, and she was starting to have a few wrinkled already, mostly the sort that one got from smiling a lot.

She probably wasn't smiling right this moment though, Ori thought. Ze'd made sure of it. It had taken hir a year of careful preparation. Ze had interrogated every single dwarf ze'd met that was old enough to get drunk, and ze'd asked them to talk about their very worst post-drinking experience, and how they had ended up like that. Once that had been done, ze'd compared all the answers, and had come up with the recipe for the worst hangover of them all. It was petty, maybe, but ze deserved hir revenge.

When ze'd started working on that project, ze'd told hirself that it'd be revenge for having to deal with Kili's hangover, the very first of hir life. But as the months had passed and hir coming of age had grown near, ze'd had to admit that this wasn't the only reason. More than anything, ze was hurt and angry by how rudely ze'd been rejected by someone who was supposed to be hir one true love, the other half of hir soul. Between Kili's awful letter, and the fact that she'd never tried to contact hir in spite of the fact that ze'd given her all the information ze could, Ori felt he had a right to be unhappy. This wasn't how these things were supposed to go, not at all. In stories...

If this had been a story, things would have been different, Ori liked to think. Kili would have been beautiful with hair of gold or copper, and a full beard carefully braided. She would have been taller than Ori (who wasn't?) but not _too_ tall. That she was a she wasn't too much of a problem, though Ori had always thought ze would like men better, supposing ze'd ever fell in love... and hir lover would have been a smith maybe, or a glassbower (Dori had a friend who worked with glass, and Ori loved to watch him work). In any case, it would have been an artist of some sort, someone with a sense of beauty, someone who would understand absolute passion for one's trade...

Instead, ze was stuck with someone who, after a full day of looking at hir life, had decided that she could never love hir, that the very idea of it was so ridiculous she couldn't even consider it.

Oh yes, Kili _deserved_ to deal with that hangover.

Someone less kind than Ori might also have tried to create problems in the princess's life while ze could, but ze'd long ago decided it would be a bad idea. For one thing, she was a princess, and ze didn't want her as an enemy. And more importantly, ze couldn't be mean to her just because she didn't love hir. Hir mother had raised hir better than that.

Still, ze was terribly tempted when ze discovered that Kili had left a letter for hir on her mirror.

 

> “Ori,
> 
> After today, we will never again have to deal with each other again. I'm sure it's a relief to you as much as it is for me. I won't lie, I've had a couple flings in the past few years, and I'm currently seeing someone, and am hoping that this might turn into something serious. I'm sure you won't mind. There's just no way someone like you and someone like me could ever form any sort of a bond.
> 
> Like last time, I plan to tell your family that I have a very bad headache. I don't know if you even celebrated your coming of age, but I hope you did, because then they'll just think you have a hangover.
> 
> Please, don't say anything to my family. They are very traditional at times, and wouldn't understand that there is just no compatibility between us, no matter what the maker decided. You can tell my brother Fili, though. He knows, and he understands. He will help you stay hidden in the house today, so that you don't do anything embarrassing.
> 
> I cannot wait for all this to be over. This situation is terribly annoying, and I really want to just forget about it and pretend none of this happened.
> 
> So farewell, Ori, and I hope this day passes quickly.
> 
> Kili

 

When ze finished reading, Ori had to sit down and force hirself to breathe. And ze'd thought the _other_ letter had been rude. It was nothing compared to this one though, with Kili claiming again that she could never consider hir, that she'd dated others... and Ori didn't like her much, but the idea of anyone else kissing her still was unbearable.

And what was even more unbearable was hir humiliation. Ze too had left a letter for Kili. It apologized for the state she had to be in, and said that ze understood that she had little interest in hir... but it also suggested that they should meet at least once before they decided that this could never work, and now Ori regretted it. Kili would probably think ze was pitifully insistent, and just couldn't take a hint. Even though really, ze'd just wanted to be practical about this whole thing. Ze wasn't very happy of this situation either, especially now that he'd done what he could to learn more about Kili... and everyone said she was quite forgettable, with none of her uncle and brother's charisma, none of her mother's intelligence. It was said she spent her days playing with other noble children, training all day long as if she intended to go to war, and then drinking all night in seedy taverns instead of making herself useful to her people.

Maybe it was just as well that she didn't want to meet hir. Ori had hoped that the rumours were wrong, but if this spoiled girl could be so rude to someone who was supposed to be her One, then the worst could be expected of her.

It was difficult, after reading such an awful letter, to do something terrible. Something mean. Maybe like cutting Kili's hair, or grab some money, and go out to get her a very ugly tattoo on the face... but that would have been cruel. She couldn't help that she didn't want hir. And it was probably for the best that she was capable of saying that she didn't want hir, because Ori would not have dared to go against fate.

So ze just had to survive that day in her skin, and then forget any of this had ever happened, just like Kili had suggested.

Unsure what else to do, Ori went back to bed, and angrily put back the blanket above hir head. Soon after ze heard the room's door open, seconds before a heavy weight crashed on top of hir.

“Come on sleepy head, time to wake up!” a voice said that had to be Kili's brother's. “The sword master is going to be furious if we're late again, it'd be the second time in three months. Do you want her to report to Thorin?”

Ori curled up under the cover, trying to think of what ze could say to make prince Fili leave hir alone.

“I have a headache,” ze said miserably. “Feels like my skull is going to explode and my eyes are going to pop out of their sockets.”

There was a short silence, and then the blanket was ripped away from Ori. Prince Fili stared suspiciously at hir.

“You're not Kili, are you?” he asked. “You're Ori.”

“What?”

“Oh, you are!” Fili exclaimed. “She'd have punched me already for just suggesting this. Well, hi Ori. Glad to properly meet you at last. I'm Fili.”

Ori nodded.

“I know who you are. I remember you from last time. You made fun of me for being hungover, and you forced me to drink that weird potion because you said it'd make me feel better, and then I got sick.

Fili winced, and chuckled.

“In my defence, I didn't know it was you, and Kili had been insufferable the night before.”

“She does seem like a difficult person to be around, yes,” Ori said disdainfully.

At that Fili threw hir a strange look, and Ori bit his lip. Just because Fili was annoyed with his sister didn't mean that ze was allowed to be too. Dori kept talking about how very awful Nori was, but no one outside of family was allowed to say a word against their brother, and if Fili was like that too, then...

“M'hal, the two of you really made quite the impression on each other,” Fili commented with a half smile. “I've heard of Soulmates getting a bad start, but this looks like the stuff sagas are made of. I think we'll all have a few stories to laugh at when you two finally get together.”

“Oh, we're not getting together,” Ori protested, sitting up. “We've decided. We just don't have anything in common, you see, and I'm not even sure I ever want to get married or even have a lover at all. It would only distract me from other things. There's been a mistake, you see.”

The words came much more easily than Ori would have thought, and ze believed them almost entirely. This wasn't right. Kili, this spoiled princess with no regard for what others could want, just wasn't hir One.

“The Maker doesn't really make mistakes,” Fili claimed. “It can look like he does at time, but he really doesn't. If you'd meet Kili, the two of you would probably get along.”

“You don't sound terribly convinced of that,” Ori noted.

The prince grimaced playfully. “Sometimes, it's not so easy... and after what Kili told me about you, I have to admit I don't really know what Mahal was thinking this time, but this will work out. Somehow?”

A new wave of anger flooded over Ori at the idea of what sort of things Kili could have said to have Fili make such a face.

“I'm not as bad as she said. I don't know what she said, but I'm not as bad.”

“Don't think anyone can be as bad,” Fili laughed. “She said you were a fat, work obsessed weakling who was constantly sick.”

“Well, she is a dumb, rude, self-centered and selfish little shit,” Ori snarled, before pressing a hand against hir mouth. “Sorry, that was mean. But I'm not obsessed with my work. I had just started my apprenticeship when we first traded places and I was trying hard to become good at it! And I'm not constantly sick, I just have bad headaches sometimes, and not even as much as I used to. I can go weeks without one now.”

Fili nodded. “Fair enough. Then for the record, while Kili can be rude, she's not stupid, and I can't allow anyone to say that of her, just 'cause she's had trouble learning to write and read. And she's not really self-centered, let alone selfish, or at least far less than people say. She's nice and generous and she always tries to help people around her, she spends a good deal of her allowance to buy food for poor dwarves, she fights with mine owners to make them give decent salaries to the miners... she's not as bad as people say.”

Ori blushed, and lowered hir head, a little ashamed of hirself. Ze didn't really know anything about Kili, except for rumours, and her reaction to an embarrassing and unwanted situation. Maybe ze had been quick to judge her...

But then, ze remembered the letter she'd left hir, and he felt less guilty. Even if she was globally a decent person, there still was nothing in common between them.

“I guess all if this needed to be said,” Fili sighed. “Doesn't mean you have to love her though, if you really don't want to. Just, I hope the two of you can at least not love each other for the right reasons. And now, let's plan how we're going to spend the day. Can't take you to training, the sword master will see straight away that something's wrong, and everyone might guess, and it'll be bad if the two of you don't want to be together. So I'll... go warn the others that you're sick, and ask to stay with you, and then... Tell me, have you ever played chess?”

Ori nodded eagerly. “It's one of my favourite games!”

“Then let's see who's the best at it, out of the two of us.”

 

Spending the day with Fili wasn't so bad. He was fun to be with, even though he was shit at chess, and they laughed a lot together. By evening, Ori fancied ze had a small crush on the prince, though ze knew it wouldn't last. Ze was too clever to lose time thinking of Fili in such a way when nothing could ever come out of it.

It didn't mean ze couldn't try to tease Kili with it, though. After what she'd said in her letter, no one could blame Ori for wanting to be a little mean too when ze wrote to her.

 

> Your royal highness,
> 
> I quite agree with you, let's forget about this whole business. I've been able to talk a lot to your brother today. I enjoyed his company terribly, and we had a great deal of fun him and me, but our conversations made it clear that you and me would make a terrible match.
> 
> I wish you to have a pleasant life from now on, and hope that you will find a lover that fits your tastes better than me.
> 
> Farewell, my Lady.
> 
> Ori.

 

It felt so good to wake up in hir own body, with the right muscles, the right balance, the right everything. The only thing not too nice was that ze didn't wear the clothes ze remembered having gone to bed in, which meant Kili had seen hir, but Ori doubted it had been of her own choice. Hangover or no, Dori would have forced her to change.

It wasn't much of a surprise to find a letter on hir desk, but the first line of it certainly made Ori smile anyway.

 

> You fucking little shit of a scribe
> 
> I know you got pissed on purpose, there's no way this was an accident. Your brother, the creepy one with a weird hairdo, is laughing too much for this to be an accident. I fucking hate you, and I hope to never have anything to do with you. If I never again hear your name, it'll still be too early.
> 
> Stay the fuck away from me,
> 
> Kili

 

Ori sniggered. Some people just didn't know how to take a joke... but ze was glad to see that all of hir research had not been for nothing.

And while it would have been nice to get to talk to Fili again, Ori had to agree with Kili on one thing: for the good of everyone, they had to stay away from each other.

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the quest happens, and Kili and Ori aren't exactly enchanting about finally meeting.

“Ze's not so bad,” Fili told his sister. “We had a few good laughs, and ze's amazing at chess. Beat me every time.”

“Not that it's very difficult to accomplish,” Kili retorted, and her brother punched her in the shoulder.

“It might be worth giving hir a chance,” Fili insisted.

“I'd rather marry a troll.”

 

“She's not so bad,” Nori announced, and Ori rolled hir eyes. “She's really not. Was bloody furious when she woke up with a hangover, but I kept her company a good part of the day so that Dori wouldn't notice anything, and she's alright. Loves old stories almost as much as you do.”

“Lots of people love old stories as much as I do, you don't see me trying to date them all based on that,” Ori protested.

“Yeah, she's still not as bad as you think. You could do worse, kid.”

“I'd rather shag a warg than kiss her. Ever.”

 

Kili knew that her uncle had found a scribe for their company, but she'd never imagined for even one second that it could be Ori.

Ori hadn't known until right before signing hir contract that ze'd be working for king Thorin, but even then, ze'd never expected the king would bring both of his sister's children with him.

“You really are very small,” Kili noted, glaring down at Ori.

“And you're not very pretty at all for a princess,” the scribe replied, determined that ze would ignore her for the entire trip to Erebor. Kili must have felt the same, and they each went back to their respective siblings to help set up the feast.

It was just bad luck that had them sitting next to each other to eat. They ignored one another for a moment, until Ori told a joke to Bombur, and it made Kili laugh. A little later, she challenged hir to empty a pint in one go, and then made hir laugh with a naughty comment about Gloin, so that Ori choked on hir beer and lost the challenge. At least, Kili insisted ze'd lost, whereas Ori said she'd cheated and so it didn't count.

They ended up arguing, and in the end Ori left the table after calling her a dumb, dishonest asshole. As far as they were concerned, that night was the proof that there had been a mistake about them.

They did not notice Fili and Nori chatting about them, or else they might have been worried.

 

Ori bet that Bilbo would come, because ze'd had a look at the fellow's library, and recognized someone who craved a different life almost as much as Ori did.

Kili bet that Bilbo would come, because she'd seen the faintly controlled anger on him at each of Thorin's insults, and had known the hobbit would rise to the challenge.

“I'm sure you bet on him because you wanted someone more clueless than you in the company,” Ori sneered.

“And you just wanted someone smaller,” Kili retorted.

 

Bilbo was fun to be around, in the end. He might have been small, and he might have been clueless, but he tried hard to help and to learn. Before they knew it, both Ori and Kili became friends with him, and they talked to him regularly. Sometimes at the same time. On a few rare occasions, they even managed to have a full conversation together, the three of them, before the two young dwarves remembered that they hated each other.

“Ori's not a warrior, ze really shouldn't be here,” Kili told Bilbo one night when the hobbit asked about their frequent arguments. “Ze's just not made for this.”

“Kili should never have come,” Ori told the hobbit some days later. “She's unruly and thinks all of this is just a joke, she doesn't understand how serious this quest is.”

Bilbo always nodded, and listened to them, and when Fili and Nori suggested a little bet, he refused politely, claiming they all knew how this would end.

 

“What sort of an idiot tries to fight trolls with a slingshot?” Kili snarled at Ori while they tried to retrieve their escaped ponies. “What did you expect to do, tickle it?”

“That's rich coming from someone stupid enough to attack three trolls _alone_ , and right after losing sixteen ponies, too.”

“I'm a _warrior_!” the princess shouted. “I know what I'm doing, I know what I can handle, and I knew that back-up was coming, and they were going to kill Bilbo. I knew what I was doing!”

“So did I,” Ori hissed. “Look at me, I'm still alive, I fought as hard as anyone, one of these brutes might have hurt Nori if I hadn't been there... So don't you dare judge me!”

Kili frowned and almost growled, furious as she was. She grabbed Ori's arm, and pushed hir roughly against a tree.

“I'll judge you all I want, you fucking hobbit,” she claimed. “You almost died there. Everything you managed was sheer luck. You shouldn't even have been allowed on this quest, you're too weak for it. Uncle can say what he wants about Bilbo, I think you're the real weak link here. So learn to be careful, or you'll get yourself killed.”

“You'll die before me,” Ori retorted, pushing her away. “Maybe I'm not the greatest warrior around here, but at least I know my damn limits!”

And before Kili could insult hir any further, ze went away. That Ori could ignore her that way only increased the princess's anger, though she wasn't sure why she was so furious in the first place.

It was only later, when she saw hir try to fight off a warg and its rider, that she realised she'd been worried.

 

Ori hated Kili.

Ze hated the way she talked, the way she moved, the way she treated hir. Ze hated her smile, her laugh, her hands. Ze hated the way her eyes sparkled when she talked about stories she liked, when she practised her archery, when she joked with her brother. Ze hated the way she was so reckless, and didn't seem to realize it.

Ori hated everything about Kili, and each new thing ze learned about her made hir hate her more.

Her favourite legend about the Seven Fathers was the same as hirs.

She loved to play chess, was the one who'd taught Fili. When Ori and her were given a chance to play in Rivendell, Ori found that for the first time in years, ze'd found an opponent capable of defeating hir.

She couldn't sing to save her life, much like Ori, but she played the fiddle very tolerably. While they were resting at the elves', Nori forced the two of them to play together, Kili with a 'borrowed' violin and Ori with hir own flute, and everyone agreed they made a good duo.

She wasn't pretty, let alone beautiful, but she had a charm, something that made her attractive all the same if you weren't careful.

But Ori was careful.

Because ze hated her. Ze had to hate her. If ze stopped hating her, ze might fall in love with her, and that would be very bad indeed because Kili would never love hir. She'd probably laugh at hir if ze so much as started liking her.

Ori couldn't let that happen.

So ze hated Kili.

Ze had no other choice.

 

“Start with the youngest,” the goblin king roared, pointing at Ori.

For a few instants, Kili felt numb. This couldn't be happening. They couldn't really be in a position where one of them would be tortured.

Especially not Ori.

Who could look at Ori and think ze had any information to give? The king should have tortured Thorin, or Fili, or Balin, or someone who looked important, not weak, clueless Ori. It was useless, it was a waste of time, it would just be for the pleasure of torture, it would...

There was movement near her as Ori resisted the goblins trying to pull hir forward, and that brought Kili back to reality. She couldn't let this happen. She couldn't let them hurt Ori. She would tell them anything they wanted to hear if she had to, but she couldn't let them hurt Ori, because if she lost hir... if ze died, then she'd...

Thankfully, she didn't have to think about what she'd do if Ori died, because her uncle stepped forward to save the scribe.

But a couple hours later, when they were all hiding from orcs and wargs in a tree, and Ori was about to fall to hir death, no one could step in to save hir. And that was when Kili, faced with the near certain possibility of both their deaths, realized that she didn't hate Ori, hadn't hated hir in a long time.

She, in fact, maybe even _cared_ for hir, and Ori would never know because they were both about to die, and she could do nothing to save hir.

But as she sprang from the tree to rescue her uncle, Kili made herself a promise: if they somehow survived this, she would apologize to Ori for all the awful things she'd told hir, and she'd try to be friend with hir, if ze would let her.

 

Ori let hirself fall on the ground, determined to never rise up again. It had just been too much in too little time. Stone Giants and goblins and wargs and fire and falling and _eagles_...

Ori had had enough excitement to last hir forever, and...

And the last thing ze could ever have expected was for Kili to come sit next to hir, a determined frown on her face.

“What do you want now?” Ori sighed. “Going to yell at me because I didn't even manage to die? Sorry for that. Don't worry, just wait a bit more, and you'll be rid of me.”

The princess's frown deepened, and she took hir hand. Gently. Almost tenderly. The gesture was so shocking that Ori found the strength to sit up.

“I don't want you to die,” Kili said, looking down at the ground. “I'd be... I'd be sad if you died. Please don't die.”

“What, suddenly you're pretending to care?” Ori grunted, too tired and surprised to be polite. “It's too late for that. Everyone already knows we hate each other. We know we hate each other. Don't waste your energy.”

“I don't hate you,” Kili protested, and then, as if to prove it, she leaned toward hir and pressed her mouth to hirs.

Ori quickly pushed her away, feeling heat creep up on hir cheeks. “What do you think you're doing?” ze gasped.

“It's called a kiss, idiot,” she grumbled. “That's what happens when you put your mouth on someone else's.”

“And who ever allowed you to kiss me in the first place?”

“Not so loud!” Kili hissed, glancing around her to make sure no one paid them any attention. “I allowed myself. I wanted to kiss you. I've been so worried about you today, I really thought you were going to die, and it made me think, and...”

“You shouldn't have,” Ori cut her. “Could have hurt yourself. _Thinking_. And you had no right to kiss me ever, because...”

Because what, Ori wasn't too sure, and ze had to take a moment to think about it. The most honest answer would have been ' _because now that you've kissed me once, I'm going to want more, but you hate me so it's not going to happen, and you have no right to give me a taste of something I can never have again_ ', but ze just couldn't say that to Kili.

“Because it's not polite to steal a kiss,” ze explained instead. “You have to ask before, that's how it's done. Didn't your family ever teach you the most basic rules of courtesy?”

The princess shrugged, as if to say that her family had tried to teach her many things, and that she couldn't really be expected to remember them all.

“So, does it mean that if I asked to kiss you, you'd let me do it?” she asked.

Ori stared at her with wide eyes, incapable of answering or reacting in any manner. She couldn't have really asked... she couldn't mean to...

Before Ori could decide what to say to this proposition, Thorin was calling everyone to him, claiming that they couldn't rest in such an exposed place and had to move again.

Ori couldn't decide if ze was relieved or angry of this interruption.

 

Kili wasn't sure why she'd kissed Ori on the Carrock. It hadn't been her plan at all. She'd only meant to say a few friendly words and offer a truce of some sort. But hir face had been so close, ze'd looked so pretty, she couldn't have resisted if she'd tried.

And she'd not tried very hard.

She sort of regretted it now though. They'd been at Beorn an entire full day already, and Ori had disappeared the whole time. Obviously, ze was avoiding her, because whatever it was she felt for hir, ze didn't feel the same. Her fault for having been less than kind to hir, probably. Still, she wished she could just saw hir and talk to hir and try to explain how sorry she was for all the insults and bad jokes and... everything.

So when on the second morning Ori graced them with hir presence again, Kili immediately grabbed hir outside the house to talk to hir in private.

“Where were you hiding?” she asked him, wincing at her own accusatory tone. “I was worried about you.”

“Headache,” Ori explained. “Get them when I'm under pressure, among other things, and it's been a little stressful lately, in case you didn't notice. But mister Beorn found me a quiet corner to stay and rest, and now I'm better.”

“Oh,” Kili said. Then, feeling it was not enough, she added: “I thought you were avoiding me.”

“You're so self-centered,” Ori replied, but it didn't have hir usual bite to it. “I'm not a coward, and I have no reason to avoid you. In fact, since I've had some time to think about things, I'd have come to talk to you if you hadn't talked to me. See, we've got a problem.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. You stole a kiss from me, and that's just not okay,” the scribe claimed, a faint blush to hir cheeks. “So, we've got to get even now. It's only fair.”

“What do you...”

Kili didn't finish her sentence.

She didn't finish it, because Ori's lips were on hers, and stayed there longer than when Kili had kissed hir, not that she was about to protest.

“There, now we're even,” Ori claimed, his entire face an adorable shade of red. “So from this moment, we've got to do things right, and if you want to kiss me again, you'll have to ask for permission.”

“What, _every time_?” Kili whined. It didn't seem very practical, and it would destroy all spontaneity.

Ori took a moment to consider it.

“Maybe not every time. I can give you a global permission, and if needed, we'll come up with restrictions later on as they are needed. What do you say to that?”

“I say Ori, would you grant me permission to kiss you?”

Ori smiled, and nodded, and they both leaned forward to try to kiss the other, headbutting one another instead. Kili was the first to laugh, but Ori quickly joined her, teasing her for being clumsy until the princess was forced to kiss hir to silence hir.

Maybe the Maker's mistake hadn't been too much of a mistake after all.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look at that, I finished something!  
> *hides pile of a half abandoned fics*  
> In other news, this is, once a gain, a "pick your own ending" fic regarding how BOFA went (which mostly means in my head canon happens, but I didn't feel like writing angst)


End file.
